I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
