We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
