i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
