I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I looked at my own cervix.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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