He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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