The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
