I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
