did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
