your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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