Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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