SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
