I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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