i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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