so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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