Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
