Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
