Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
