so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
