I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
