at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
