dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
