Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
