I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
