I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we're so committed to being not committed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
