i don't like sucking hair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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