woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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