Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
