Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
