Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
