Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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