Ketchup is God's man juice
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
