You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
