Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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