Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
