I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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