My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
