kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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