im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
