and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its about making memories worth repressing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
