Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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