my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
