Jerry, you need to find god
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
