i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
