Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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