Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
