My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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