her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
