I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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