i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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