I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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