So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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