HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
