Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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