i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
