Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ttyl tear gas
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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