hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
