i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
