It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
