bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
