Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize