Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
