Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize