we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
