dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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