I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
