Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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