I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize