I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
