No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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