we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
