Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
