Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
