My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
