Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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