alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You pole danced in your parka.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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