Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize