M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
