People with herpes should wear stickers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
