I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize