Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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