Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize