You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize