This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize