All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
