I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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