i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
