when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
