So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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