I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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