I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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