I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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