he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
