i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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