this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
