I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize